I’ve been a neurospicy (I like that term–I know some people hate it so if that’s you I apologize in advance…feel free to substitute it with neurodiverse (ND) if that works better) mom of neurospicy kids for over a decade now and I honestly still have days where I struggle with the fact that my ND kiddos are super successful in so many areas…but struggle with things that seem SO simple.

My kids are probably like yours. They’re bright. Curious. Capable. Able to do great and mighty things–in increasingly creative ways. But then something that seems tiny to me–homework, routines, remembering instructions, putting things where they go–seem mountainous to them. 

If your household runs like mine this could look like unfinished homework, lost library books, emotional meltdowns over being asked to do something little, or a constant battle to get started on things that need to be done (especially if it’s boring to them!). 

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

My kids, like many ND kids, aren’t struggling with intelligence or motivation. Instead, their challenge lies in a set of skills called executive functioning.

Executive functioning refers to the mental processes that help us plan, organize, start tasks, manage time, regulate emotions, and follow through on goals (Center on the Developing Child, 2011). These skills develop gradually throughout childhood and adolescence—and for some children, they simply take longer or require more support to develop.

When executive functioning skills are still developing, everyday expectations can feel overwhelming.

Here are five signs that your child may be struggling with executive functioning—and what you can do to support them along the way.

1. Getting Started on Tasks Feels Surprisingly Hard

One of the most common executive functioning challenges parents notice is that their child struggles to start tasks.

Your child may sit at the table with their homework in front of them but never begin. They might stare at a worksheet, wander away from the task, or insist they don’t know what to do—even when the directions seem clear.

Often this may look like procrastination or avoidance.

But for many children with executive functioning challenges, the real problem is task initiation—the ability to begin an activity without becoming overwhelmed (Dawson & Guare, 2018).

When a task feels large, unclear, or mentally demanding, their brain may struggle to decide where to begin. Instead of moving forward, they become stuck.

You might notice:

• Your child comes up with 100 different reasons to put off homework
• Your child might make frequent requests for help to get started
• You may often hear them say things like “I don’t know what to do”–even if they’ve done it before

One helpful approach is to reduce the number of steps for them to think about. 

Instead of saying, “Go do your homework,” try breaking the first step down further.

You might say:

“Let’s just start with the first question together.”

Often, once the brain gets moving, the task becomes easier to continue. 

As a ND mom who also struggles with task initiation–I like to think about it in relation to advice I once read which said something along the lines of ‘If you don’t feel like doing all of the dishes, start by washing a bowl.’ The idea was that once you start the task that felt overwhelming, you’ll more than likely continue it (but even if you don’t, you made it 1% better and that’s okay too!). 

Similarly, sometimes our kids need us to just help them get started and they can take it from there. Sometimes they need us to body double and just sit close while they work. This is a great time to fold laundry, read a book, or put in your headphones and listen to a podcast.  

2. Your Child Often Loses or Forgets Things

Another common sign of executive functioning challenges is difficulty taking care of things and remembering responsibilities.

You may notice things like:

• Missing homework assignments
• Lost jackets, lunchboxes, or folders
• Forgetting instructions shortly after hearing them
• Trouble remembering multi-step directions

These challenges often relate to working memory, which is the ability to hold information in mind while using it (Alloway, 2010).

For example, a teacher might give three directions:

“Write your name, take out your math book, and turn to page 42.”

A child who has strong working memory skills can hold all three steps in mind. A child whose working memory is still developing may remember only the first or second step.

It’s not that they weren’t listening.

Their brain simply couldn’t hold all the information at once.

There are some ways to help! Support might look like: 

• Written instructions or checklists
• Visual reminders at home
• Breaking directions into smaller pieces
• Asking your child to repeat instructions back

External supports like these act as “scaffolding” for developing executive skills.

3. Organization Feels Like an Impossible Task

Some children seem to manage their belongings, school materials, and assignments naturally. 

Others feel like they’re constantly swimming upstream.

Their backpack may be full of crumpled papers. Their desk may look chaotic. They might struggle to keep track of deadlines or long-term assignments.

Organization is another executive function skill that develops gradually over time.

According to researchers, executive skills are closely tied to the development of the brain’s prefrontal cortex, which continues maturing well into young adulthood (Best & Miller, 2010).

That means organization is not simply a personality trait—it’s a developmental skill.

Children who struggle with organization may benefit from external systems that simplify expectations.

For example:

• Color-coded folders
• A single homework notebook
• Weekly backpack clean-outs
• Visual checklists for morning or evening routines

When systems are clear and consistent, they reduce the mental load on a child who is still building these skills.

4. Emotional Reactions to Tasks Can Be Big

Executive functioning isn’t just about planning and organization.

It also includes emotional regulation—the ability to manage frustration, shift attention, and tolerate challenges.

When executive skills are stretched, emotions can escalate quickly.

A child may become overwhelmed by homework, frustrated by mistakes, or discouraged by tasks that seem easy for others.

You might notice:

• Tears or anger during homework
• Avoidance of challenging tasks
• Giving up quickly when something feels difficult

These reactions often reflect cognitive overload.

When the brain is juggling multiple demands—remembering directions, organizing materials, managing time—it can reach its limit.

At that point, emotions often take over.

Helping children build executive functioning skills often includes supporting emotional regulation, such as:

• Allowing short breaks
• Encouraging problem-solving together
• Helping them name what feels hard

Instead of assuming a child is being dramatic, it can help to ask: “What part of this feels the hardest right now?”

That simple question can open the door to understanding.

5. Tasks Take Much Longer Than Expected

Many parents of children with executive functioning challenges notice that everyday tasks seem to take much longer than they should.

Homework that should take 20 minutes might stretch into an hour. Getting ready for school may involve repeated reminders and constant redirection.

Executive functioning includes time management and sustained attention, both of which take time to develop (Diamond, 2013).

Children who struggle in this area may lose track of time, become distracted, or underestimate how long tasks will take.

Helpful strategies can include:

• Visual timers
• Breaking work into short segments
• Clear routines for daily tasks
• Reducing distractions during homework

Over time, these supports can help children gradually build stronger habits around time and attention.

A Gentle Reminder for Parents

If you’re noticing some of these patterns in your child, it doesn’t mean something is wrong with them. Executive functioning skills develop on different timelines for different children. In fact, many of these abilities continue developing well into the teenage years and early adulthood (Center on the Developing Child, 2011).

What matters most is not perfection (which is impossible to attain anyway)—it’s support.

When children receive patience, structure, and encouragement, they can grow these skills steadily over time. And perhaps just as importantly, they can grow in confidence as they begin to understand how their brain works. 

If this sounds familiar you’re not alone. Join our community of moms who are walking through similar joys and challenges with their children by visiting us at www.navigatingnormal.org

References

Alloway, T. P. (2010). Working memory and executive function profiles of individuals with learning difficulties. Journal of Learning Disabilities, 43(3), 179–189.

Best, J. R., & Miller, P. H. (2010). A developmental perspective on executive function. Child Development, 81(6), 1641–1660.

Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (2011). Building the brain’s “air traffic control” system: How early experiences shape the development of executive function.

Dawson, P., & Guare, R. (2018). Executive skills in children and adolescents: A practical guide to assessment and intervention (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.

Diamond, A. (2013). Executive functions. Annual Review of Psychology, 64, 135–168.